Tuesday, May 27, 2014

I Gotta Be Me

and unfortunately, the me that I am currently is living in a rather dark and negative place for seemingly no obvious reason.  This could either mean I am in need of a serious attitude adjustment, or that my anti-depressants are not doing their job, and until it's determined whether it's my attitude, or my medication that needs adjusting, things are just, well, kind of shitty.   Now is not the best time for documenting outfits, because nothing looks right (at least in my head), and am tired most of the time, which shows in my face.  Thank God for Tilda Swinton, fun accessories, and gorgeous weather, or I'd have nothing to post.

The weather was lovely this past weekend, with highs in the mid-twenties, sunshine, and blue, blue skies.   Flowers were blooming, patios were open, and puppies were soaking up some rays.

My friend's daughter Maya has very cool personal style, and was rocking a fabulously co-ordinated outfit when I ran into her and her Dad at the Western Fair Farmers' and Artisans' Market on Saturday.  While I love her modern mixing of shapes and colours, I will always have a soft spot in my heart for a nice vintage dress, like the orange, red and green print one on display at Jackpot Vintage.
 
If the outfits haven't felt inspired, at least I've managed to work in a "bastard massive" (to use one of Vix's fave phrases) piece of jewellery.  Clockwise from left: 1970's bead and mother of pearl necklace from Jackpot Vintage; giant orange beads from the Gadsden's Toronto Vintage Clothing Show; giant hand beaded tribal neckpiece purchased from Debra Rapoport in New York last year.

The cruel irony of having survived this past winter from hell with my mental health relatively intact, only to have it fall apart just as summer weather finally arrives is not lost on me. 

27 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Awe bb! Try to find out if it's your meds and if not keep hanging out with friends and try to get in the sun as much as possible! I hate taking pics of myself, too, when I'm not in a good mood. <3
    I now totally say 'bastard massive' all the time--Vix!!!!

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  3. So sorry to hear this. Sending big hugs and healing thoughts you way!

    bisous
    Suzanne

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  4. Hi Shelley! I think you and I need to Skype soon, let's try and make that happen! I'm sorry to hear about your depression returning and I find myself at a loss for words having never suffered from any prolonged sadness for no reason, but I do empathize with you and others who suffer from it. I love that you are still getting out despite how you feel, that is something!
    I miss your pretty face so put it up now please :) we love you even if you are all jacked up right now.
    Sending you a super duper big HUG!!!!!
    LOVE YOU!
    XXOO

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  5. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. Hopefully an appointment with the doctor and a rethink of your meds should do the trick. Its horrible when you get into one of those depressions, nothing looks or feels right.
    Love that sweet little girl and that Jackpot Vintage beauty and bastard massive jewellery always cheers me up.
    Sending you love, hugs and a bit arse squeeze. xxxxxxx

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  6. Big hugs. I spent much of the winter wallowing in the pit and have had difficulty getting back to "normal".

    You always have such wonderful jewelry.

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  7. I hope the doc has what you need to get back in the groove. I wish science would focus more on treating depression. But I'm glad you have friends around and even with the muted edges you are able to get out and snap some pics. Hugs. Your bastard massives are awesome, and Maya is gorgeous.

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  8. Oh Shelley, I'm so sorry you are feeling low. Those comes-from-nowhere bouts of depression are a bitch. I hope the fog lifts soon. In the meantime, there are things to enjoy here - that glorious 1950s frock for a start, blue skies and blossom, and fabulous bastard massive jewellery! Take good care of yourself, my friend - I'm sending much love. xxx

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  9. So sorry you're not feeling well. Depression is for real! Hope you feel better v. soon xox.

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  10. Sending love your way in the midst of struggle, knowing in my heart that you will thrive once again. I salute you for posting beauty in the meantime. Debra's neckpiece is outstanding!

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  11. I'm so bummed for you, a bout of mental darkness is no fun at all. I try and fill those voids with noise and carry on...perhaps a tweaking of medication and a change of routine or something will help?
    Much love, sweetheart, your state of mind hasn't affected your brilliant observations of he world around you.
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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  12. Hugs. I do know where you are coming from, and the struggle to feel better...about anything. But you will. Be kind to yourself. And remember those depressed thoughts tell lies.

    In the meantime, I just shorted out my keyboard droolin' over that orange dress!

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  13. I'm sorry you are struggling. Do what you need to do to get better and know that many of us have been there so you aren't alone. As Goodwill Fangirl says, the depressed thoughts tell lies.

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  14. You can always do another post on Tilda any time. Or Maya - what a doll!

    I hope things will even out for you soon. Sometimes you have to ride the turbulence. Or you get the pilot to gain a little altitude and you fly above it. And you've got to believe that your luggage will be at the airport when you land - it usually is.

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  15. Maybe that last phase didn't work so well in thinking about "carrying baggage" so forget that last part. I just hope you're feeling better soon!

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  16. As Arianna Huffington says... that negative and criticizing voice you hear in your head is just an obnoxious flatmate who should be ignored. Stay well

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  17. wish you get better as soon as possible, and glad you've been enjoying some sunshine, pretty little ladies style and bastard massive bijouterie, because some amusements are great for any state of mind.
    Missing you anyway, dear lady.
    besos & salud

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  18. I fucking hate depression. But I refuse to feed it any more of myself that it's already stolen from me. I wanna kick it into another universe where it can put out fast fires. It's a goddam thieving bastard and I can't stand to see anyone in pain from its effects. Keep wearing the massive bastard jewellery love, it works. xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxox

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  19. Oh sweetie!! You too? I'm sorry. I'm ready for therapy, just don't have the time. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up one morning and I'll feel like myself. Well,...oh well. I hope you rally!!! In the meantime, hopefully we can put one foot in front of the other, and preferably well-shod. Love you lots. XXXOOO

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  20. What a pity and worry, your mind does not cooperate. When you are in such a lovely place, finding such beautiful vintage dresses and necklaces. Hope that you can work your way out of it again. Wishing you strength,
    Greetje

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  21. Your honesty and courage blow me away. Wish I had a magic wand to ... you know what. Hang in there. doll. We're all rooting for you.
    Jean

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  22. I've been thinking of you and Fred and I'm sorry to hear you're not in a good place now, Shelley. I do know from experience how depression can bring you so low. I hope you have supportive loved ones around you as it's even worse to suffer and feel like you're alone in it. I really hope you're feeling better soon. Big hugs, K

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  23. It's Post-Swinton let down, Shelley. Depression is a drag, at least there's a name for it and you know what can be done about it. But it does take a lot of patience to wrangle through it. Still, you were able to go out and about and take lovely pictures and that's always a good sign. Just show up, that's my motto. And you already look marvelous...

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  24. Been there, done that and it ALWAYS SUCKS! Until you can believe it WILL pass, I'll believe it for you.

    xoxo

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  25. I've been there, and I'm so sorry you're in that place, and I hope it is over soon. Do you know the book Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh? She describes her depression really well, and very humorously.

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